Being In-love

Love, in its unadulterated, raw, and unpolished reality, is something that we are most happy as we give it, share it, and express it to the people that we deeply care about. Among its kind, romantic love tends to cause pain and grief especially when it is misunderstood.

Romantic love is sometimes misleading. Its kind could make our world spin around fast. At the same time, this kind could terribly hurt us. When we think about it in such a way that “love begets love”, it could become paradoxical when things go stray and we go on loving/caring for that person. Sometimes, we fail to accept the truth that love in reality is not dependent on the response that we get as we give love. We tend to think that when we love, the person whom we love, must love us in return… which I am not in total agreement because it makes love look like a conditional thing. In every situation and seasons of romantic love, it is important to be objective and to see the reality in its uncoated, raw harshness. We must look into the circumstances and the ripple effects of every decision we are to make in connection to it. Our values must be strongly rooted in our character so that our convictions would not be swayed. We must have clear goal and decisions, and should be determined enough to live through it. This way, we would be able to guide our sail confidently despite the very strong current that comes along with this kind of love.

Many things must be taken into consideration. We need to isolate one thing from the other so that we could understand why things happen the way it did. With this I mean, we must understand how the relationship was handled; did the parties complement each other, where they honest and open with each other? Were the goals aligned and in the same track? Were the priorities the same? Were the plans synchronized? The unfolding of events in the story is a big factor; love is different from being “in a relationship”. Take the circumstances of most “break ups”. People tend to keep their silence and they won’t even try to talk about it. What most people get in “break-ups” is not a “broken heart” but a “broken ego” that manipulates people not to think rationally. Sometimes, we tend to over-romanticize the situation so that we could have an excuse to avoid emotional adjustments over the situation. Whether we like it or not, situations like this would be an emotional and rational battle deep within us that we must endure as it would mould our character and make as more mature individuals after.

Question; Does breaking up means nursing some ill feeling toward the other party? Does it mean burning bridges? Does it mean nurturing pain and grief because of losing someone? I don’t think so, it is possible that people could control the situation and slowly stir the relationship into something platonic; that is, if one doesn’t really want to lose the other. This kind of friendship will definitely survive the tests of time. However, one must be prepared for an initial emotional “roller coaster ride” as one adjusts from a romantically driven relationship into a platonic, but deeper relationship with that person… a strongly bonded friendship. It sounds almost impossible, but it is possible to divert a romantic relationship into a much, much deeper friendship. I have learned along the way that; “Love, as a romantic emotion, could be controlled and regulated. It could be stirred in a way that would somehow lessen the pain and would not cause us to lose the person that we care about”. This conviction became a piece of wisdom that I lived by.

Don’t ever question Love when you feel it, as it will always be pure. Sometimes, if we seemingly lose understanding, try to look on how we handled things. Sometimes, lovers need to go on separate ways. It’s not because of love but because of circumstances. It’s never a question if the love one has for the other is true or not.

We make mistakes, and sometimes these mistakes became necessary tools that we could use in order for us to learn and enhance ourselves through “reality-based training”. The purpose was never to blame ourselves to the extent of being miserable. It is a test of one’s capability to accept imperfection and defeat; and to challenge one’s self to make the most of the situation. If we are faithful enough, we’ll be gaining something instead of losing in the end.

©13july2007leofinajanegalleta