Sideways

July 29, 2008 — Leofina Jane

note: this poem has been transferred.

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Posted in Art. 8 Comments »

8 Responses to “Sideways”

  1. frodo441 Says:
    March 11, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    excellent…and very Faustly…I enjoy the meter, when it is not interrupted by grammatical rules ( ; for instance) that break the meter… one note, I would like to suggest that would make this excellent poem better…and I donot wish to judge your artistic preference and right….but I would suggest changing the word “rust” in “there, hungry rust to cling tightly”…to “moss” so that it read “there hungry moss to cling tightly”…I think it does this fine poem much justice and fits well with the theme…I see something beyond in this poem not unlike the ontological struggle in which while your artistic license may actually express in the word “rust”…it just doesn’t do the poem justice and is a little out of place in my own interpretation and enjoyment while I read it…rust through me off but the word “moss’ i think would be much better and fitting to the etymology that runs current through out the theme….just a note…good visualizations…forget grammar, it’s a stick in the gear of such a fine poem…

  2. drippingmind Says:
    March 11, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    THANK YOU SO MUCH for your comments and suggestions. I do appreciate it, very much.:-) I can’t agree more with your observation. I replaced the word “rust” with your suggested word, “moss” (silly me, that wasn’t even a logical word to use..lol..)
    I think I have to be more careful with punctuations and usage of words.Again, THANK YOU so much, I learned a lot from your feedback.:-)

  3. abigailstall Says:
    August 13, 2008 at 3:37 am

    i enjoy reading your pieces. they are deep but sincere, honest but not without beauty. the meter is a lot like the simple rhythm of one processing his or her own thoughts. free, but steady.

  4. penshadow Says:
    August 17, 2008 at 11:35 am

    I like this piece of thoughts, LJ.

  5. drippingmind Says:
    August 19, 2008 at 1:53 am

    abigailstall, very much appreciated. :-) it means a lot. thank you!

  6. drippingmind Says:
    August 19, 2008 at 1:57 am

    Penshadow, many thanks manong razi, :-) so nice to have you here. fact is, there have been instances wherein the outcome of the poem is a revelation to me, just like this one. i started scribbling with no particular plan. i guess the muse took my hand then

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