Tag Archives: humanitarianism

Shackles

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Time is running out. Or it feels like it, anyway. When you get to think about it, your mind becomes a shamble of chaotic rush. As you lie there, alone in your bed, you can’t help but take another deep breath. It’s the only thing that you can do without much difficulty these days…

Being a bull-headed adrenaline junkie as you inherently are, you naturally thrived in pressure-filled, time-constrained situations. You can easily (and vividly) picture yourself rushing about, armed with charming wit and strategic mindset, always with spring in your steps as you try to accomplish something that’ll surpass  your goal – especially your very own expectations. Those are the moments that you are most happy about yourself – so much so, that you seldom have any ‘free time‘… But that seldom happens now.

The gentle rains caught your attention and your thoughts drifted back in time. You remembered that part in your young life when you sincerely believed that the gods are lonely when it rains. Your grandpa used to laugh at you affectionately when you shed tear because, as you used to say,  people shouldn’t be doing anything that might upset the gods in heaven. A trace of smile passed through your pale, dry lips with that recollection.

Suddenly, you long for those untroubled times. Back then, your world is still filled with idealistic notions and innocence. Thinking about it, it’s as if, it really didn’t take that long before the harsh realities of life found their way into that childhood world of yours. It’s as if, the plague of sufferings and atrocities you’ve come to hear and read as you went through your ‘work’ slowly took the spaces previously occupied by childish, simplistic conclusions about things that concerns life and living…

Indeed, you’ve grown up faster than you should.

All you can think about now are those painful cry for help and silent struggles you’ve seen and heard from people who were unlucky to draw up life’s misfortunes instead of the contrary. You can’t help but wish that you are back out there again, amidst the crowd you fondly refer to as the cheerful ‘subalterns’. Theirs is the company that makes you happiest. It’s just too bad because these days, you can’t do anything but watch…

It’s easy to see that your adult life is highly defined by those times you’ve spent with them. You’ve become ‘ you’  partly because of ‘them’.

It is ironic, really (and you’re quite guilty to admit it) but in reality, you’ve learned to appreciate the good part of life through the ugliness, harshness and devastations that plagued the lives of the unfortunate ones. Somehow, you feel ashamed with the fact that you’ve learned the greatest lessons in life through the sufferings of others…

A sigh involuntarily escaped from you as you draw your gaze into that hourglass you’re keeping on your bedside table. You turned it upside down and watched without fascination as each grain of sand slowly trickled down to settle at the bottom. Just like those grains of sand piling up at the bottom of the hourglass, you are not going anywhere…

It’s true, you got all the time in the world these days. You need not worry about deadlines, meetings, and stuff. You’ve got free time in your hands. Lots of it, actually. Feels like freedom, yes? Only it isn’t…

You know that your so-called ‘freedom’ is the very shackle that binds your soul…

 ©2012leofinajanegalleta